Your Confidence Comes From Yourself
“I was ashamed of myself when I realized that life was a costume party; and I attended with my real face”
Franz Kafka
If you’ve stumbled upon this article, I want to take a moment to say congratulations! Recognizing a problem is solving half of it. That may seem strange to read, but many people lack even the minimal self-awareness needed to understand that they are not truly confident. Instead, they prefer to live in a world of blissful ignorance, blinding themselves with possessions and chasing outcomes that will please others.
True confidence comes from within yourself, the skills you have developed, and your earned merits. When everything is stripped away at the end of the day, you still have your mind, body, and soul (morals) that make you who you are. If your confidence falters over minor things, such as not possessing the latest gadgets, wearing the most expensive designer clothes, or if you find yourself resorting to bullying others due to insecurity about your own knowledge, how can you call this true self-confidence when you need external factors to affirm your self-worth?
People are not who they say they are, people are the way they act.
How Can I Be More Confident?
You’re not going to just wake up one day and ‘be confident.’ You need to have an honest talk with yourself or friends and pinpoint exactly what is leading to your low self-esteem. Maybe you’re comparing yourself to others, you’re not happy with yourself physically, your lack of experience in certain fields, or you just feel the least important among your peers. Whatever the case, you need to identify precisely where this feeling is stemming from, so you can begin treating the actual issue, not just the symptoms of it. This requires you to analytically and unbiasedly look at your shortcomings and sit in that feeling. It’s uncomfortable at first, but as time passes, it feels more like a challenge you can set goals to overcome.
You can’t do the same thing every day and expect different results; there needs to be change, and change can only happen if you push the first domino down. Here are some things to consider to reach a more confident mindset about a situation or yourself.
Building confidence is a journey that involves self-awareness, practice, and a positive mindset. Here are some ideas to help you build more confidence:
Confidence Check List
- Set Realistic Goals: Setting an unachievable goal can quickly break your morale. Instead, set realistic goals so that when you reach them, you’ve made progress and achieved something to be proud of.
- Don’t put yourself down: Always be kind to yourself, as words and thoughts can become actions, and actions define who you are.
- Learn New Skills: Acquiring new skills provides a sense of security in yourself. You develop abilities or knowledge that the average person may not possess. Be proud and never be afraid to learn something new! It expands your brain and boosts your confidence as you hone a craft.
- Face Your Fears: Do something you’re afraid of, as long as it’s safe. You’re not going to die. While a part of you might succumb to the fear, the part that endures will be stronger and more resilient.
- Visualize Who You Want To Be: Spend time envisioning a more confident version of yourself. Consider how the person you are now can transform into the person you want to be. If you can’t imagine who you want to be, how will you change who you are?
- Dress In Confidence: Wear clothes that make you feel confident. You’ll experience a mood boost because you feel good in what you’re wearing. If you don’t know how to dress maybe it’s because you don’t know which style speaks to you. Take a quick look at some of these modern men’s styles and see if any of them speak to you.
- Exercise Regularly: Please, for the love of yourself, exercise. You don’t need to be a bodybuilder, just aim to be healthy. Numerous studies show that regular exercise has a huge positive impact on the brain. It’s a chain reaction: you exercise, feel good, see physical results, and gain more confidence in yourself.
- Surround Yourself with Positive People: The company you keep can influence your self-perception. Surround yourself with supportive people who uplift you. Avoid those who agree with you just to avoid confrontation; instead, choose positive individuals who genuinely want to help build you up.
- Failure Is Part of the Process: It’s cliché, but true: failure is an opportunity to learn. It’s a natural part of doing anything new or worthwhile. If you fail, take time to assess what you could have done better, learn, improve, and try again. Remember, you’re not starting from scratch but with experience.
- Seek Feedback: Find someone who will call you out constructively. Choose someone who genuinely wants to see you improve. Having a friend on this journey can be hugely impactful by keeping you accountable.
- Practice Gratitude: Focus on what you’re grateful for in your life. This can shift your mindset to a more positive outlook. Be thankful for everything, including the basics like having a roof over your head and a meal. These are all you need to start building a more confident you.
- Professional Help: If you’re struggling to build confidence on your own, consider seeking help from a therapist or a life coach.
Remember, building confidence takes time and patience. Be consistent in your efforts and celebrate your progress, no matter how small. Changing many small habits will yield significant results.
You’re Not In Your Element
Your lack of confidence could be stemming from being continually immersed in an environment that doesn’t highlight your strengths. Consider the analogy of an Olympic weightlifter participating in a gymnastics event. Their confidence might wane, not due to a lack of ability, but because they are operating outside their expertise and training. Similarly, you might be in a setting that’s fostering self-doubt and leading you to question yourself more than necessary. It’s important to recognize and understand the impact your environment has on your self-perception and confidence levels. These environments could be your living situation, your job, or anything else. It’s up to you to take control of your life and create an environment in which you can thrive, if you can’t remove yourself from a bad environment you need to make the best out of the situation you are in. Make a home out of hell.
Build Up From Your Foundation
True confidence is cultivated by recognizing and valuing your competencies and experiences. It’s about acknowledging the strengths you’ve honed through effort and practice, which are the true pillars of self-confidence. This is true self-confidence to be your authentic self, accepting yourself. This approach fosters a sustainable form of confidence that is less dependent on external validation and more rooted in your personal growth and capabilities.